This past weekend I traveled all the way across the country just to see what kind of fun I could have. Turns out I do the same thing on the East coast as on the West coast. Sleep late, walk around, buy shoes and have crazy nights with my friends. So, here's a funny story from Friday...
I'm hanging out with my cousin who lives in the city. He's planning an evening at a cool burlesque club he's been frequenting. And another long-time pal of his is also in town. We go out and it turns out that this long-time pal was in the band that my first boyfriend in college was in. Small world.
The burlesque show starts...we think. In fact, it seems a bit lame. It's just a girl (a hot girl) dancing on stage in her bra & panties. Slightly entertaining, but not burlesque.
However, we were not to be disappointed - the announcer introduces the MC for the evening. The curtains open. And there's a guy there in a sweatsuit. The song begins to play. It's the Wonder Woman show theme song! This guy proceeds to rip his clothes off - underneath he's wearing a full-on Wonder Woman costume. It's spectacular. The rest of the show turns out just as good.
Of course, being guys, my cousin & his pal insist that the Princess of Power is gay. I disagree (as does the other girl who is with us.) Girls just can tell these things. And, as it turns out, I had a chance to prove those guys wrong!
After using all my powers as a cute drunk chick, I proceed to force myself on him and convince him to take me home with him. His famous last words: "My apartment is really small."
No f'ing kidding! We get to his place and it's smaller than my bedroom. Maybe half the size. And it's his whole apartment! Granted, he has no kitchen. And (horrors!) no bathroom. Handily, there is a sink. Well, hopefully, it's not that handy.
Anyway, not only is his place small, he has more CRAP then I have ever seen. Well, except for in my apartment. But I have 4 rooms!
Now, usually, I am the picture of grace. But no sooner had we walked (inched & squeezed our way) into his place then I start to take on the characteristics of a bull in a china shop. Everywhere I put my feet I heard a crunch. Everywhere I put my hands, something fell to the floor. If I bent over to pick said item(s) up, my head (or butt) would crash into something else. It was a disaster.
Of course, I'm pretty much hysterically laughing the whole time, but this poor guy is acting like he's never had this happen before. As a matter of fact, when I climbed (foot on cabinet *crunch*, hand on rail "Not there!" *crash*, hoist up "Watch it!" *bang*) up on to the "loft" bed and leaned over causing a chain reaction whereby the mattress flipped over 180 degrees above my head as I tumbled to the ground before leaping to my feet to catch said mattress after bouncing off the shelves on the opposite wall (*crash* *crash* *crash*) in order not to be crushed, he said just that:
"I've never seen that happen before", jaw on the ground, confused and aghast.
Like I said before, poor guy. Luckily, he was able to shuffle me off fairly soon thereafter so that he could begin putting his life back in order.
So, back at home now, rested but bruised.